Falsehoods programmers believe about the law
So It Turns Out, #47
Note: Nothing in this is legal advice. I’m not qualified to offer legal advice, as I am not a lawyer. This is purely my individual perspective, based on being a guy who did some stuff. Count your money and cut the cards, and don’t take anyone else’s word for it.
(Inspired by Patrick McKenzie’s Falsehoods Programmers Believe About Names)
As a guy who’s ended up playing a lot of “translator” roles in various jobs, where my responsibility was to get software engineers, product managers, creative, strategy/finance, and legal on the same page, I’ve been in a lot of conversations over the years where the law comes up. And there are certain discussions I seem to have over and over again with those technologists and lawyers. Many of them are driven by fundamental misunderstandings about how the law works, compared to other endeavours. So, without further ado, here are some collected falsehoods programmers (and other non-lawyers) believe about the law:
Reading the law explains the law.
The law is written down, comprehensively, in one place.
The law is written down, comprehensively, in a bunch of places.
The law is written down as a combination of statues, regulations, and case law.
Your lawyer can give you a list of “all the laws that matter.”
There are no laws still on the books that are unenforced, unenforceable, or physically impossible to obey.
The law is deterministic.
The law never contradicts itself.
The law’s standards, like “sufficient,” can easily be translated into quantitative metrics.
What do you mean, “more likely than not the mark is copyrightable?”
Your lawyer can answer a question about any area of law; after all, they took the bar exam.
Your lawyer can answer a question for you about their area of law; after all, it’s their specialty.
Your lawyer can answer a question for you definitively on a call.
Your lawyer can answer a question for you definitively after consulting with their colleagues and/or some books.
Your lawyer can answer a question for you definitively.
Your lawyer’s job is only to give you legal advice.
Your lawyer’s job is to give you legal advice and occasionally business advice.
What do you mean, “Microsoft’s vice chair and President is formerly their General Counsel?”
Delaware is the only place that businesses incorporate, because it is the overwhelmingly majority place startups incorporate.
You can tell whether a cease and desist letter is serious or not without asking your lawyer.
Those notices at the end of lawyers’ emails to consider the content “privileged and confidential” are useless.
Those notices at the end of lawyers’ emails to consider the content “privileged and confidential” are a perfect shield.
Contracts are everything; you can enforce every provision in a contract, no matter how unusual or onerous, if you’ve got a good enough lawyer.
Contracts are nothing; you can wiggle out of any of them, if you’ve got a good enough lawyer.
You’re smart enough to talk to an opposing lawyer or a law enforcement official without a lawyer present.
People only sue if they can win.
Innocent people never plead guilty.
Law schools teach you how to be a lawyer.
Law schools teach you some of how to be a lawyer.
Okay, but certainly clerking for a judge teaches you how to be a lawyer, right?
Okay, but surely if you’re a law professor, you know how to be a lawyer, right?
What do you mean, “some of the most famous law professors never bothered to take the bar”?
You should go to law school.
I’m looking for new opportunities; I’ve been especially successful in the past in corporate strategy and cybersecurity/data-protection risk-related roles where I work closely with, yes, technical, product and legal experts, and am looking for similar for my next role. I’m open to a range of different industries, but am especially interested in organizations where I can help keep people safe from bad guys, and/or help them get easier access to government services and benefits that they deserve. If you’re aware of an interesting opportunity, I’d love to chat with you and learn more.
Disclosures:
Views are my own and do not represent those of current or former clients, employers, or friends. And especially not the lawyers.